It’s all oppression all the time at our house

Child: Daddy made me carry you your coffee and I brushed my hand against it and it was hot and it hurt.
Me: Well, thanks anyway.
Child: I hope you appreciate it came from pain and suffering.

Child: I want to go buy some candy but I don’t want to get dressed.
Me: A dilemma for sure.
Child: Can I just go in my footie pjs?
Me: Um, no. You need to get dressed.
Child: Society should be more accepting. It should be like, you want to go out in your footie jammies? AWESOME. YAY FOR YOU.
Me: Go get dressed.